Live and Die (?)

[ “forever I will move like the world that turns beneath me” ]


~ The Avett Brothers

My mother always told me I had an unusual soul, as she watched the tides of my expectations go high and then abruptly splash the shore. She often asked me to BREATHE and let go, count backwards from numbers I cannot fathom, whenever the absurd clouds of darkness hit the board.

So I often sat down and counted ways each day, to quieten my mind, gulp the pain and throw it off the window.
.
.
Three.
Two.
One.
One?
.
.
A bowl of stale sniggers crushed my self worth, as they passed through the door, spewed over my sighs and roars. Breathe! I would instruct myself. Let go, the flimsy souls. Close your eyes and let the silence generously outpour.

Then on a second thought, I would ask myself, “will it ever be over?” I don’t know as my mother slyly sewed my anwsers and sighs into “watch it as it goes”



And I? I have always , let her voice emboss the sky, somehow. Her nectar eyelids to draw away the luminous nights of envy and self doubt.
and for some reason, I knew I couldn’t have for this once, let her down.

So of all the things I knew I would face in the apricot dawn, life over death is what I chose at the foot of the bed, that surprised them all.

Life? Yes, life.



Despite being broken, that I have always been, lifeless with no speck of hope indeed, a recreant was something my birthgiver always reminded, she never raised me to be and I owed it all to her…my life, my existence, my everything. In her feet lied my temple and in her mulberry hands, my life.


Hence, leaping and swelling, living and dying, for her, I grasped, the tangerine pill of doomless light, took a needle and sewed, my celestial wounds,  upright. Step by step, each day I forced myself to rise, out from the storms , though a little broken from edge but alive.

For her,
I survived.

18 Comments Add yours

  1. ashok says:

    Awesome. All the best for future too.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Samyak Singh says:

    Standout comeback from the Maestro 💖
    It’s such delightfully vibrant to read it again again..💛💛😊

    Liked by 1 person

    1. SAUDADE says:

      Happy to still see you here! :”) 💙

      Like

    1. SAUDADE says:

      buon anno anche a te! Sending lots of love and good wishes.

      Vaishnavi 💙

      Like

      1. sherazade says:

        The Same to you 🌹

        Liked by 1 person

  3. moorezart says:

    Reblogged this on From 1 Blogger 2 Another.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. aruna3 says:

    Most beautiful expression,dear!!

    Liked by 1 person

      1. aruna3 says:

        Most welcome,dear!!

        Liked by 1 person

  5. The color theme carried through this meditation is lovely! It brings these intangible experiences into a visual reality.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. SAUDADE says:

      Thank you so much. I’m glad you liked it as much as I did :’)
      [ “meinar” for real creates one of the most enchanting illustrations ever 💙 ]

      Like

  6. aruna3 says:

    Beautifully written🌷

    Liked by 1 person

    1. SAUDADE says:

      Thank you 😊💙

      Like

      1. aruna3 says:

        Welcome,dear!!🌹🌹🌹🌹

        Liked by 1 person

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