letters i wish i could have sent. #1

Er, hi.

It’s been a while since you left (almost two years now) and honestly, nothing has been the same since then. Buddy still misses you and sprints to the front door everytime he hears the neighbours’ footsteps , you know? He sits there all day long wagging his tail and staring at door with his cute lil’ hopeful eyes, all set to welcome you back home. And it hurts. At times I wish I could tell him you’d probably never return. But…ugh. *gasps*

Initially, I thought it would be easy to get back to where the two of us were before you left us in such a mess, but I was wrong. Two years down the lane and we’re still trying to recover from the trauma you gave.Everything hurts so much and I can’t stop looking for your face everywhere and everyone misses you so much, your mom , your dad, our lil booper ( buddy!) and I , we all loved you so much !

Somedays I just wanna lay in bed and break down, all apart, with tears pouring down my face and eyes shut tight enough to numb my pain. Other days I just wish, I had you to hold on to me and tell me everything will be okay. I wish you could kiss my forehead like always and hush my thoughts whenever they got too much. Sometimes when I’m alone, I think how much better things would have been with you next to me and I talk to you and imagine what your next reaction to that would have been.

When people ask me what went wrong , I just smile pretending everything’s okay. Perhaps you were right when you said we all become better at pretending things with time. And I’m trying, trying so hard to get things back to normal for all of us. I know it’s gonna be a long ,rough journey to fill the void left in us after you. But I’ll try, I promise.

I wish you could’ve seen how much things have changed here in a good way, our lawn is now full of your favourite blue flowers,( Ya okay…stop smiling, I remember.) Our turtles are still lazy and adorable and Oh! you remember that kitten you saved ? She still lives in the tiny house you built for her in our backyard and is now even a mother of two adorable kittens. Buddy too has got quite comfortable around them. He’s always woofing and bossing them around.*face-palm* . Every piece of our fairytale has come up just the way you wished for except for the fact that it will forever remain incomplete without you. I wish I could say this without crying but I still miss you. I wish I could have saved you that day. I wish you were here with us watching everything with your eyes. I wish nothing had changed. We would have been so much stronger today. I had so much to tell you and there were so many words that will remain forever unsaid, I wish I could’ve told you, You’ll forever be my man…. I love you. We all do. I’m sorry.

P.s: I’ve made you your favourite pudding today, hope you like it and come back visit us soon, maybe?

Sending love and lots of boops accross. 💙🐾

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